Monday, May 2, 2011

Date With A Difference

When many couples go out on a date they go out with the idea that they are looking to be moved, excited, inspired, and in some way aroused by the person that they are on a date with. The notion generally is that their date is supposed to DO something for them. Some people subscribe to the belief that they should fall in love with the package before them and that if there is true chemistry it should all just work. The notion that all relationships take time and effort even from their very inception is not a very popular idea.

I would like to suggest a new approach to dating, one where the onus of the date falls on you. I would like to call this style of dating “proactive dating.”

It goes something like this:

Before the date:

a) Try and look and smell your best

b) Have an open mind about the person you are about to meet.

c) Imagine that the person you are about to meet will have several qualities that will not be readily apparent to you at the outset of the date, but that it is your mission to find out just what these qualities are.

d) If you are feeling down or low before the date, do something to pick yourself up-exercise, listen to nice music, talk to a good friend who makes you feel good.

e) Don’t run to a date immediately after doing something else. In order to invite love in you have to create the space for it. Give yourself time to feel your truest and best self before a date.

f) Think of things to talk about while on the date.

In other words the date actually starts before the date.

On the date:

a) Always be concerned about the impression you are giving over. Even if you are with the most incredibly boring person in the planet try to be interesting. Try to find out what interests them. You never know, they may have a sibling, flatmate, cousin, tennis coach, etc...who might be just right for you.

b) Be all of the qualities that you are looking for. If you want someone who is kind, warm and generous, be kind, warm and generous.

c) If you are struggling to enjoy yourself, try to think about the positive qualities in the person you are dating. Do they have a warm smile, an interesting hobbie, are they interested in hearing about you, do you share an interest in anything.

d) Let the effort of the date going well fall on you. If you both go out with this attitude, then the date should be rockin’.

e) If you have made every effort to try to think of positive qualities in your date, and can’t, try to think of friends who may enjoy being with this person. I helped get seven couples together in one year just by using this very method.

f) Focus on feeling your best self, and at ease, and not on, “what can this person do for me?

After the Date:

Reflect upon how you felt while on the date. What feelings your date bring out in you? If you had any sort of positive experience, explore what this may have been about. Don’t think too deeply about it, just go with the feelings.

These days, many people get so stuck in their head that they can’t even hear what their heart is saying. The key to really good dating is to use a good strong combination of your head and heart.

If you intend to squeeze dating around a million other things you do, you will find little space for feeling, which will defeat your ability to connect with your soul mate.

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