Many couples struggle to share how they truly feel with one another. They want to share sometimes difficult feelings or emotions in the fullest way possible, but different things hold them back. Other couples believe that one of the principles of being in a couple relationship is that they can say whatever is on their mind, however they want to say it. The truth is there is no exact right or wrong way to have a emotion laiden conversation.
The key determining factor as to whether a difficult conversation piece will be accepted and discussed until completion is in the start up. Many couples allow their emotions to overtake them and so when they begin to share a difficult feeling they blurt it out in a way that makes the other feel defensive. Once any part of the couple moves into defensive mode the couple enter a logger-jam and there is little space for movement, unless one part of the couple allows themselves to recognize that what is fueling the emotions is hurt and pain.
By having a slow gentle start up to a difficult conversation and acknowledging the hurt and pain by the pain holder creates space for the other part of the couple to hear the pain. Blaming or accusing has no space in a difficult conversation as each part of the couple end up walking away feeling more hurt than when they start.
Freedom of speech in a couple relationship, or by any two people, can only occur if space is created for both to share and have an opinion, and if the pain can be expressed in a gentle non-steam roller fashion.
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